July

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I am so clung to these days of July, especially these last few days when nothing much happening in my life. I appreciate when no one came closer to say a “Hi” nor anyone disrupted my midget heart with happy promises. I like July and its writing weather; some days of murky clouds and heavy rains, then the delusive sunbeam, quite magnificent but did not last long. There were cold nights; limping fingers, quaking lips, running eyes in a white wool blanket. I like that blanket a lot. It has been sharing with me secrets that only two of us know since I bought it last year. It has been eight months of special relationship and I will keep it longer. End of June gave me pitch of tension, series of flashbacks triggered by telephone calls, Whatsapp texts and all characters I wish never exist. I confronted June with the things and emblems I didn't want to tolerate. It was not easy but I got the cojones finally. I don’t like confrontation. Out of hurt and sickness, confrontation is always a mad brutal open confession. “I only want you to listen to me.” There was a terrible strength each time this came out from my mouth. I haven’t said it a long time now. I don’t have any particular person for such request. I did not say that to June. I was not bound to June with that irrevocable attachment. June did not leave me in sobs, though. God gave me guts to live through the end of June and to welcome July lively. I am convinced by July that I am worth and no one will desert me. I stretch wide smiles and dismiss wonders. Early July, I started drinking coffee again and caused me difficulties to sleep – which only me and the white wool blanker know. Ah, now you know. I have intelligent thoughts too and often felt one flash of intuited wisdom. I am a genius. July makes me feel so connected to myself. These two weeks, close to 2am each night, I was untransformed Cinderella forcing my eyes to sleep after scrub-jobs waiting. Gladly, each night nothing happened. So I told myself, it’s okay, “I have a good job, wonderful family and friends”. Keep up the good work, July.

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