Everything

I am so clung to these days of July, especially these last few days when nothing much happening in my life. I appreciate when no one came closer to say a “Hi” nor anyone disrupted my midget heart with happy promises. I like July and its writing weather; some days of murky clouds and heavy rains, then the delusive sunbeam, quite magnificent but did not last long. There were cold nights; limping fingers, quaking lips, running eyes in a white wool blanket. I like that blanket a lot. It has been sharing with me secrets that only two of us know since I bought it last year. It has been eight months of special relationship and I will keep it longer. End of June gave me pitch of tension, series of flashbacks triggered by telephone calls, Whatsapp texts and all characters I wish never exist. I confronted June with the things and emblems I didn't want to tolerate. It was not easy but I got the cojones finally. I don’t like confrontation. Out of hurt and sickness, confrontation is always a...

I received two sad news on the same day, last week. One was shared with mostly Malaysians and another one was shared with my Aikol colleagues. These two news dispense the mournfulness the same. I am still attached to them and feeling just like the rest. I don’t think this will tear along with days, and easily forgotten. I don’t think so. We are all recovering, hoping and praying for the better of everyone – some parents, some siblings, a lot of relatives, circles of friends and colleagues who are deeply affected. To Fahmie Mustafa and Adam Rayqal, you both will see each other in the heaven I pray. Aside from the hatred and anger thrown to the babysitter, one thing that I cannot comprehend, on how easy she made all this happened. When the phone call made to Adam’s father claiming that the baby was kidnapped, I think, she had before practiced the lines and didn’t think of the consequences at all. And the simplest consequence in my context, is the involvement of police...