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Abah's Retirement True Story

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Abah has finally retired. We had been listening to his yens some years ago, especially when he came home from work, lethargic, emotionally disturbed and felt very much like John Wick deadly seeking vengeance. We could not comfort him and his frustration. He used to tell us how blue his blood was, as blue as PDRM color. He loved his profession. He was proud wearing his uniform. March this year, the day finally came. He sought for no one’s approval to enjoy the entitlement. It was a compulsory retirement. He could no longer proceed after his 60’s. Guess what was the first thing he did – leaving the office Whatsapp group. We had a great laugh that night and until today that moment is still fresh in my memory. For good, in May, Abah and Mama had gone back to Kedah living those hours they couldn’t spend before. They held each other’s hands more often without any distraction, not even us. My siblings and I are still struggling to adapt with our new routines withou...
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July

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I am so clung to these days of July, especially these last few days when nothing much happening in my life. I appreciate when no one came closer to say a “Hi” nor anyone disrupted my midget heart with happy promises. I like July and its writing weather; some days of murky clouds and heavy rains, then the delusive sunbeam, quite magnificent but did not last long. There were cold nights; limping fingers, quaking lips, running eyes in a white wool blanket. I like that blanket a lot. It has been sharing with me secrets that only two of us know since I bought it last year. It has been eight months of special relationship and I will keep it longer. End of June gave me pitch of tension, series of flashbacks triggered by telephone calls, Whatsapp texts and all characters I wish never exist. I confronted June with the things and emblems I didn't want to tolerate. It was not easy but I got the cojones finally. I don’t like confrontation. Out of hurt and sickness, confrontation is always a...
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With so much love

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I received two sad news on the same day, last week. One was shared with mostly Malaysians and another one was shared with my Aikol colleagues. These two news dispense the mournfulness the same. I am still attached to them and feeling just like the rest. I don’t think this will tear along with days, and easily forgotten. I don’t think so. We are all recovering, hoping and praying for the better of everyone – some parents, some siblings, a lot of relatives, circles of friends and colleagues who are deeply affected. To Fahmie Mustafa and Adam Rayqal, you both will see each other in the heaven I pray. Aside from the hatred and anger thrown to the babysitter, one thing that I cannot comprehend, on how easy she made all this happened. When the phone call made to Adam’s father claiming that the baby was kidnapped, I think, she had before practiced the lines and didn’t think of the consequences at all. And the simplest consequence in my context, is the involvement of police...
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A new window for us all

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Last month, I had an important engagement meeting with officer from Disability Support Centre at Universiti Malaya, as our university would like to initiate a similar support hub in campus for potential disabled students. Besides myself and boss, we had an accompany of our mother-figure counsellor, Mrs. Phoong. In car while heading there, we talked about so many things; of interesting cases our counsellors have been handling, support plan for disabled students and other recent hypes - coming election which later triggered into perspectives and attachments I had never heard before - the sense of belonging of Chinese after independence in Malaysia. Mrs. Phoong started it so good when she said that Chineseness in Malaysian Chinese are no longer emphasized. They are a lot more Malaysian than Chinese now. I like that phrase a lot. She related it with her recent vacation in China which she struggled to converse in her-supposed original lingo but she failed. Listening to one complete...
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Speaking with a little guilt

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Me and Abah my siblings always say; have a lot of things in common. We both can talk on so many perspectives in regard to certain issues - politically, socially, legally and others that seem less intriguing to the rest of our family members. We fancy Tan Sri P.Ramlee and not just that, he introduced to me my favourite songs of Rokiah Wandah, Oslan Hussein and Normadiah. As much as I love him and am proud to have similarities with this old man, however, I cannot agree with him with a lot of other things too especially those related to his choice of colors, arts, images, words, holiday plans and hobbies. I would easily get annoyed whenever he opened his mouth for the ‘wrong’ choice he made and I would ridicule, especially when those decisions took a hold of other people. Take this for instance - my father loves fishing. I do not. I am actually not sure if ever anyone besides Abah in this family loves fishing. But each time this old man proposed for a fishing trip, everyone nodded ...
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Promises

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“These days, lies and silence are two greatest sins in human society, you might say. In reality, we tell lots of lies, and we often break into silence. However, if we were constantly talking year-round, and telling only the truth, truth would probably lose some of its value.” Hear The Wind Sing, Haruki Murakami With the election’s hype coming back to stream, all manifestos presented to rakyat surely caught the brightest spotlight. Looking at my timeline, people my age have been discussing the contemporary interests in parallel with the equivocal promises shouted by all parties. Some talk about free education, some hope for better health subsidy, of financial security and properties too. Whatever that has been discussed on the social media, it emphasizes the significant values of election. As everyone notices as well, there are same manifestos presented again just like during the previous election campaign. No doubts that the implementation has not initiated given t...
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The Wall Tapping

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“They were as obdurate as rocks. I have always observed that the female, who seems to have been made for tenderness, and piety, and moral courage, when really depraved and fallen, is not only the wickedest, but the hardest and unmanageable of beings.” – James Bradley Finley Object A. Object A who has always been admired by people around her for her kindness, pretty face and independence burst out one day that she was ready to get married. She was known single-handedly for more than 7 years after a miserable breakup with someone cleped Babun. 15 years ago, when I was in school, Object A came to visit me at school with Babun. I hated Babun immediately after saw him for the first time. Babun proved to me and Object A’s family that he is a Babun indeed when he defrauded Object A’s father of money worth 10,000 Ringgit. Babun after that left Object A without any explanation. Just like Baboon, his razor-sharp canines left deep scar and it is not something easily forgiven b...
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