The Sensation Is Like Biting An Amalgam


Actually I don't know what it feels like to bite an amalgam but that's the best expression I could transpire now.

"Sher, don't you realize that working here with these people really bring the other side of you that you couldn't imagine before?"

That's true, Tona. I cursed a lot and ofttimes I couldn't handle the anger so I went to the restroom and cried. I even asked myself where has the resilient and cold me gone? This place and the people have put me through the ample severe depressions these days and they are just lack of conscience and empathy. I lose weight and weekends just seem non-existent since the past few months. This is insane.

I understand how some people have always said, “This is the real working life. Suck it up.” But, really? Blame me for expecting a pleasant working atmosphere whereas the entire of it condensed close to a mental torture institution.

I know how some works are really important and require immediate action but all the demands sometimes are overpowering intolerable. Aku tengah buat kerja aku dan kau bising memekak kat tepi telinga aku pun susah jugak. Like, come on! Let people do their work in peace.

This is another thing. I have to take care of myself as well and you assume me to come to work though I am sick? You need this body and brain to function well enough to get all tedious chores done but at the same you want me to take a back seat of my self-care manoeuvres to your concerns that you call “URGENT” all the time? And all are not really urgent actually. Bulls**t.

Almost each day, I have to do outside works like attending clients and collecting important documents at the developer’s office and you really are a tight-fisted bossman on the claims. For you, they are all parts of my responsibilities. TAPI! Duit minyak? Duit tol? Duit parking? Duit upah angkat kotak berat-berat? Duit kerja hari weekend? Mana? Mana? Mana? Oh lupa. Kau Cina. Mana tahu halal haram makan duit orang ni.

I worked previously in oil and gas line and I really enjoyed working there. At the utmost busy environment, I still relished working to those ambitious targets. I sat on the spectrum where there was a balance between my work and my home-life and everything was just right. Work can provide identity, friendship, a steady routine and good salary and that’s what everybody looking for. Here, all are just impossible.

“Sher, talk to your boss about this. Let him know your situation.”

Baby, I have tried it before. He just doesn’t care. And I am leaving soon.

Sorry people. Promise you I'm gonna make a big effort tomorrow to kick it. To be kind to myself and carry on. Cause tough times dont last, tough people do. We'll see, but just thought I'd share it here. Sometimes everyone needs a place to vent, right?

Thank you! Assalamualaikum.

1 comment:

K said...

Sheriel, I still enjoy your writing like all previous posts well except this one. Get your ass out from there, girl. You deserve better than the hell. Stop complaining the same shit about works and I want you to enjoy your life as an adult. You're better than this and think of yourself before others. I miss you (wonder whether you need that).