*Spoiler alert! This is an emotional entry, feel free to close this page right now.
After 1155 days, I see things in a different light. Ever since almost a year we couldn't spend our time face-to-face, I had more time for myself to think, I've been powwowed with my siblings and cared for my friends, the good bunch and by doing this I could distract the feeling so called to be a loner.
At all mouth and no trousers, that is what happens for a 'long distance connection'. Sometimes it seems like failure to connect when the only middlemen are calling and texting-cum-inconvenience when there are miscommunication and unclear voice. I am not saying that it happens all the time. It's 'sometimes'. The sometimes I felt like giving up with the coverage and the sometimes I felt so straitened. I've tried to make things all right. I've tried. But then I was wrong to edge away the wonts which we used to after 1155 days. Yes, I blundered on in my honest intention. Sorry. :'(
You told me that happiness consists of not changing anything. I am a stubborn manic. But you never blow up. Never even once. With your silly flattering voice, I remember the lines that really buttering me up. "I am here for you. I want you to know that you have someone to talk with.'
Estrogens, I hate you! :(
Somehow, I was indirectly refreshing my mind into the awesome parts of us. Then I realized they are so much fun with you. So why not, why not we learn from the mistakes so that sooner or later, it wouldn't happen anymore. Right? I don't wish for the reiteration, and so do you. It's tiring and I look it as an aggro, tough and headache. Emo-ing is not good for an asthmatic bronchitis. Crying to sleep can make me hard to breath. You say that. I better stop this.
I am trying to think positive. And, I am cooled down. *claps to myself
Mama, I am not as brave as you, as patient as you, as lovely as you. I am a loser in 'networking'.
People, I am endeavoring into a successful try to connect.
And awak, I spotted the fact that after 1155 days you still remember my phone number and your daily routines to call me before bed, a dinner reminder and without reluctance to hear my problems, I call that as 'dah besar rahmat dah' and I give my gratification to Allah that finally, finally the trials and errors still can survive for a wanted-the-longest-duration-connected-over-the-mountains.
p/s: I am not a smart person. But I believe I've made a clear statement that I'm crapping and sorry for not warning you that.