May 12, 2017

The fidget don't stress



Second week of May 2017 - dry, hard, glittering and sometimes wicked heavy rain ricocheting the car rooftops. But I remember last night was cold and I had trouble sleeping - when countless thoughts approaching my head. Of life as a big chance including but not limited to family, friendship and relationship, obstacles and challenges, career and personal development, dim or bright light at the end of the tunnel.

But I also remember, what happened before bedtime was more profoundly intense. Sameer knocked on my door and without even a slight approval, he came in and sat beside me. I could see a device in his palm so the kneejerk me asked, “Can I have that?” without having the second thought that he might trade it with his request. “Sure. But Harry Potter, please?” I smirked. Nebulously, Sameer took my hand. It was a hand fidget spinner.

“This helps.”
“What?”
“For stress.”
“I am not stressed.”
“You are stressed. Adults are stressed.”

I laughed. He took my phone and opened the Stopwatch application. “My friend made it more than 2 minutes.”

I span it. The room was dead silent for a moment. Steadily focused on the spinning, I was hoping it could last more than 2 minutes. Mind you, I am very competitive.

“Stop it.”
“Why?” I refused to.

Sameer grabbed the fidget from me, aggressively and he seemed mad.

“No Harry Potter until the exam is done.”
“Not that.”
“Then?”

Sameer sighed. He looked at me looking very angry. “This…”, he showed me the fidget and slowly, “… is not supposed to make you stressed.” He left me just like that after that.

Dumbfounded I was.

You know, there is no superiority complex in kids which they don’t generate condescending and patronizing attitudes to offend themselves and their surroundings. Also, in spite of the fact that he tried to remind me to enjoy spinning as it helps to manage stress, I treated the spinning toy as a medium to construct more string of doubts and premonition in me. It was all complicated as above sounds but I am complicated afterall.

I knew someone older than Sameer who always be defined as ‘easy’ by me.

When there is sometimes a great destructive, annihilating surge of negative fear and hate and recoiling, “I can’t, I won’t”, there is someone who less matured but worry-free with long cheap talk, soothing again, pacifying, lulling, “I love you. Don’t say that. You don’t really. Remember what we said about love, compassion, happiness - are all you when you want.”

My youngest sister. Sameer reminded me of my youngest sister.

“Hello. Buat apa tu?”


Dec 7, 2016

Philosophically Speaking



“Lawyer semua penipu.”
“Budak MSU semua bodoh.”
“Janda semua kaki goda.”
“Perempuan selalu nak betul.”
“Anak nombor dua asyik rebel.”

Each time when I come across a data-oriented claim, I really have this urge to ask the type of statistical analysis employed in their ‘research’ for clarity. These data-oriented claims famously have been used on the social media for they know what are the true reasons which I refuse to assume.

One sure thing however, when they fail to provide the authenticity of their remarks, they will usually later make an ugly gloss about it and start to make the statements philosophical. This mode of reasoning discloses the typical prejudice by which these fraudulent of all times can be recognized through this mode of valuation at the back of all their logical procedure;

A. I believe my belief. Even if it’s not true, I don’t care.
B. This is almost true. Look at my explanation. Even if you don’t agree, I don’t care.
C. I solemnly christen that this is the truth but you don’t have to rely hundred percent on my explanation. Just THINK ABOUT IT.

The fundamental belief of these people is confusing and weird; where it sometimes occurred to the wariest of them to not doubt on the very threshold of their statement. Sometimes they doubt, so the escape is to use PERHAPS. Well, ‘perhaps’ is dangerous but at the same time it sells because it appears to the readers that there are other tastes and inclinations; the reverse of those hitherto prevalent. And to speak in all seriousness, I see such a Minister alter ego.

Such failure for authenticity provision is thus called falseness. But falseness of an opinion is not for me to have any objection through a prolong debate on Twitter, merely because a fraud speaks new language sounds most strangely ever than mine – that I refuse to make myself sound defensive when clearly the falseness provider will not even consider a single word from my context.

One thing I don’t understand is how can a lot of people be inclined to believe these half-distrustfully and half-mockingly ‘philosophers’ when clearly that there is not enough honest dealing with them especially in concluding their personal experience in virtuous outcry through a biased claim; but made it sound so innocent. They all pose as though their real opinions have been discovered and attained through the self-evolving method; whereas in fact, it is a prejudiced proposition. Why?

Dec 1, 2016

Something You Should Ponder If You Are Hiring



When I first started working, it was in 2013.

To be specific, I started working in June. Just a month after the general election was held and cliché which, the incumbent right-wing Barisan Nasional won a second term against the opposition after such rumours that they could not make it. Hence, the cliché. 

Economy in 2013 was moderately convincing. With its constant conducive business environment, the resilient macroeconomic made it justly conclusive for youths to apply for jobs. Malaysia in 2013 was well connected with the world class infrastructure comprising (and promising) excellent transport connectivity. Among the significances, the affordable costs of living did not cause serious anxiety to this one employee with RM2,300 monthly remuneration. 

2013 was when the GST not yet implemented. Corruption was on-going like its usual business but the conundrum was not complicated like how it is escalated on our local and international medias today. Our political agenda was not widely exposed to the world and no international investigation was made on our Prime Minister and his alliances. 2013 for me was understandably stable with attractive governmental support through its policies and of course, minimal controversy.

Even with that sound economic reputation, little did I know that the chance to get a place for a job interview was indeed, hard. As everybody knows and nods, it is the explicit requirement of certain number of experience from companies. 

I remember the times I spent ridiculously for a job advertisement that fit my zero year of experience. I did find few but there were no calls after the application. And some other offers however lenient and interesting they were, either it was at the remotest corner in Malaysia and/or something that did not meet my career aspiration so I had to let them go.

So skills are directly proportional to years of experience?

I doubt so and after so much thoughts and observations since June 2013 to December 2016 now, I have been contemplating on the situation and requirement, which I must conclude that it is an indeed a special group of employment discrimination.

Let me first define discrimination. It is a treatment or consideration by making a distinction in favour of or against, a person or thing based on the group, class, or category to which that person or thing is perceived to belong to rather than on individual merit.

So, to relate with the employment history, it is unfair to distinct the zero-experience potential employees from other who can write more than two-pages resume with variant experiences; by judging that these zero-experience applicants have no appropriate skills and potentials to first establish their career platform. I however fathom that the requirement is needed to ensure a smooth running of operation with the least time and money spent for guiding and training, but isn’t that what Human Resource supposed to do?

The most popular question and response I got from this group is, “If they’re not hiring me, how can I get the experience?”; which is true and which I questioned it more than hundred times before.

With the bad economy climate now, I noticed that the creation of jobless generation is actively being made; especially that the experience requirement is still advertised as a vital aspect for job application. As this global crisis affecting both advanced and developing countries, the number of experience represents a colossal waste of human potential and a substantive drag on future economic growth.

So where exactly these potentials are being wasted at?

Hundreds or thousands or maybe millions of them are engaged in part-time, temporary or “zero hours” contracts that offer no security, few development opportunities and little autonomy.

Do you agree with me that; eliminating the discrimination helps everyone to have an equal opportunity to work and to develop their skills?

Nov 22, 2016

To something you thought worth



To something you thought worth
You wrote the unreplied words
You sobbed the unlistened tears
You screamed the uncertained fears
For being worth was an issue
You ended up using a tissue
The words remained unattended
The tears left unpersuaded
The fears stayed uncomforted
To something you thought worth

Later you saw the tissue with stain
You wondered the price you paid for the pain
Maybe twas the time you neglected
Maybe twas the family you upsetted
Maybe twas the you you abandoned
The maybes you wondered suddenly snowballed
With the ugly emotions your thoughts rolled
Justice for the stain was not attainable
Blaming yourself seemed to be reasonable
To something you thought worth
You still thought twas worth

The tissue and stain you kept safe
In a large embossed box like a lonely grave
All the blames for writing too much words
All the guilts for having too much tears
All the loathes for stressing too much fears
And... all the craves for a pathetic attention

When the box is now overloaded
Like a magic you are suddenly aspired
To take one clean tissue with no stain
Just one last piece with extra words you want to pen
With no tears on your cheek
With no additional fears you want to prick
Just one short in a nutshell
To be inserted in that box however not for sell

"This is not worth it."

As you put down the pen you realised
The tissues also have their price
Not just the feelings you hoped lasted
But the money you spent wasted
To something you thought worth
But not worth
Not at all


Dec 22, 2015

Sempit & Tanggungjawab


"Kakak ini hari kena pergi beli barang mahu masak untuk Maulud Nabi. Ini hari kerjanya harus cepat-cepat siap, boleh ke pasar beli barangannya. Kita orang Indonesia, kalau Maulud Nabi kita masak sedikit buat jamuan di surau. Tapi tak berapa banyaklah, dik. Biaya sekarang ini mahal. Kakak kongsi sahaja lah sama teman-teman. Kakak beli pulut, temannya beli ayam, yang seorang lagi beli telur. Asal punya jamuan sahaja dan kita ingat sama Nabi. Tak banyak pun tak apalah. Gaji kakak satu bulan di sini 600 ringgit. Suami aku kerjanya di kolam pancing ikan. Ada juga lah dalam 500 ke 600 ringgit dikira berapa jam dia bekerja. Anak aku dua orang di sini. Mahu hantar belanja sama emak di kampung. Adik, kau tahu? Bil api di kampung kakak satu bulan sahaja sudah 60 ringgit. Kakak bilang sama emak, "Mahal ya, Emak bil apinya? Kenapa begitu?". Emak aku bilang dia tidak tahu sedangkan lampu pun jarang-jarang dia pasang. Minggu lepas aku habis 500 ringgit, adik. Buat belanja beli barang anak aku sekolah. Aku tak punya wang tapi anak aku kena berbaju baru ke sekolah. Bukan apa lah adik, buat dia orang semangat mahu pergi sekolah. Aku tak ada lah beli yang mahal tapi asalkan ada yang baru. Sepersalinan seorang. Aku bilang sama emak, "Tak apa lah emak. Kalau tak cukup wangnya buat biaya, bilang sama Su. Su kerja kuat buat emak di kampung". Emak aku bilang, "Aku doakan murah rezeki, Su. Jaga diri di tempat orang". Aku tak boleh telefon emak selalu. Rumahnya jauh ke dalam. Aku cuma telefon minggu kedua hari Sabtu waktu emak ke bandar. Dia boleh guna telefon dan bawa keluar wang sekali. Rindu sama emak aku." 

Said Kak Su, the cleaner at my office.

I don't want to elaborate more about this. You know what am I thinking and you too must be thinking the same.